If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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