The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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