I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
