New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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