Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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