I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
