A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
