from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
