I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
