i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
