i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
