id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
