My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize