i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
