If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
