Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just had sex on a roof
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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