Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
