dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize