in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
