OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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