I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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