Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize