How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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