walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
