I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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