i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
