I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
