i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
