so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
