There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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