Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no more duck duck goose at the bar
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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