i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
