Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
