just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The air was thick with penises
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
