I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
