I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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