we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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