I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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