How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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