Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
