Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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