ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
