Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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