next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Couch. On fire.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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