I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
did i just pee glitter
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
