I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
