Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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