she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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