i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
