Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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