i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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