Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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