You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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