Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
