Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
