and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
