dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
