Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
