You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
