Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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