Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
