he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love having hate sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
