let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
