i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
