btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
