I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
