So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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