mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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