apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
