And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
another moral hangover. fuck.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
