I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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