The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
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Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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