I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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