cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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