He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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